Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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