i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
