my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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