Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
