When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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