Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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