break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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