Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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