remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
