i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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