he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
