the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
