Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
