you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
