Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
