I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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