Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
