it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
