Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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