fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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