she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
