So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
