Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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