Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
