chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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