how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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