My room smells like vodka and shame
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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