I accidentally had phone sex last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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