can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
