I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
