no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
