I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
