definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
