So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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