remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
