When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
