i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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