Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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