I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ok first of all what the fuck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
