My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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