I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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