I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
