I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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