Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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