He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
