You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
