i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
