Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
