The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
