Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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