ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
