So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
