That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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