Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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