He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
