at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
