Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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