The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
