I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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