I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
