the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
