God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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