JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
