A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
