I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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