so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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