waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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