I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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