Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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