do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
