The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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