Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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